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Reflecting on 73 years
One the eve of my 73nd year of life, I look back and count the numerous
blessings that God has bestowed upon me.
To begin with, I actually came into this world. According to my mother, there
were serious doubts since she had lost two other children and even when I was
born, I was dehydrated. Mother claims that the first 6 months was difficult, but
since then I have been blessed with relatively good health.
I was blessed to have parents and family that exposed me to the arts especially
music, theater, and who traveled. I was at the 1939 Worlds fair, saw the original
production of THE KING AND I with Gertrude Lawrence. By my 13th year I had
traveled and visited 44 of the contiguous states.
I received an excellent education from devoted nuns and priests and eventually
entered the seminary in my junior year of High School. I was on the verge of
being ordained a Josephite priest in 1957 when they recommended that I take
some time off to be sure of my vocation, so, I followed my second love, Theater.
I never became famous, but I did get to work with people like Julie Andrews,
Liza Minnelli, Hal Prince, Carol Burnett, Elizabeth Montgomery and actually got
to write, produce and direct a show that was on Broadway.
It was during this time that I met the woman who, even though I knew I was gay,
would become my wife and the mother of my three children.
God always kept me centered when ever I was thinking the gifts He gave me
were my own talents and did something to get me back on track.
As I said, the desire to serve as a religious was never too far from me and I
spent many hours keeping up on my theology, the changes of Vatican 2, and
serving as a DRE (Director of Religious Education ) a liturgist and from 1986
worked in the ministry to the GLBT community founded by Cardinal Roger
Mahoney of the Los Angeles Diocese.
Sometimes when the rug was dragged out from under me and I became very
upset and depressed and it was in those moments that God saved me from
doing something drastic and He lifted me up and placed me back on the road He
wanted me to follow.
In 1979 when I was at the bottom, I tossed open the Bible and read the page that
it opened to and there was an answer. It was in the book of Job.
I realized that if we keep our trust and faith in God and not give up and blame
Him, He will lead us to where He wants us. And He did.
I prayed the following prayer; “God, what is it you want from me? I am not good
on subtle hints God, I need you to push me, no shove me, where it is you want
me” and he led me back to teaching in the Catholic schools, from there I
became fully immersed in parish ministry and eventually was ordained a
Deacon in 1980.
In 1986 Cardinal Roger Mahoney founded a ministry within the Diocesan offices
to the Lesbian and Gay community and I began working with it as well as my
teaching and parish ministry.
In 2001, at age 67, I decided that I wanted to get out of the classroom and
teaching 28 teen age children and move back to Massachusetts to be close to
my family.
I returned here to find that not much being done in ministry to the LGBT
community in the Catholic churches of the area and felt that a ministry to them
was exceedingly needed but I could not find a parish in the area that would
sponsor one. Ever since 1990 I had been submitting my transcripts and records
to various Religious orders for consideration of my returning to life as a
member of a religious order but always received rejections because; “You are
over our age limit for admission” “You are still married and would need to get
an annulment” ( I was divorced in 1973 and neither of us ever remarried); but I
still continued my quest.
I began Mission Saints Sergius and Bacchus without any church sponsorship
and prayed that it was God’s will. While I was on vacation 2 years ago, much to
my surprise, I received an acceptance from a Franciscan order. They had
reviewed my records and transcripts, conferred with bishops I had worked with
and decided that I was worthy to be a member of their order and also to be
ordained a priest.
On August 15th, 2005, the feast of the Assumption of Our Blessed Lady, I was
ordained a priest in the Franciscan Order of the Annunciation in Washington, DC.
My Mass of Thanksgiving was held on September 17th, the feast of my patron
Saint Robert Bellarmine and of The Stigmata of St. Francis. Another sign from
Almighty God, to me, that this was His desire since I have always had a deep
affection and devotion to St. Francis from the time I was a child when I often
visited the Franciscan church here in Boston. I even remember a Franciscan
Priest my mother dragged me to when she discovered that I was Gay, Fr.
Fulgence, who told her that I was grounded and was living my life in a
wholesome way, not being promiscuous, and had respect for the gift of
sexuality that God had given me.
Now here I am, entering my 73nd year of life, realizing that every thing in my life
had been a part of God’s plan. I probably would not have the faith in God that I
have now if I had been ordained back in 1957. I realize that I would not have
been prepared to minister to all those that I am encountering in this ministry if I
had not had the life experiences I have had.
Recently I posted the announcement that Blessed Charles de Foucauld had
been beatified by Pope Benedict XVI along with his prayer of Abandonment
which I have been saying daily for some time now as well as the prayers I have
written through the years.
What ever time is God is giving me on this earthly plane, I totally give over to
him. As that prayer and one I wrote say, “Let Your will be done in me, I ask no
more than this” or as Jesus said in the Garden of Gethsemane “Not my will but
your will be done”
Every day begins and ends for me with the prayer that in some way, with the
help of Almighty God and the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, I may be able to be a
small part of reunifying and rebuilding The One Holy Catholic and Apostolic
Church. That I may be able to reach out and bring back into the Mystical Body of
Christ all those who have felt rejected, unwanted and alienated from Almighty
God by the dictates of mere men who are prone to make mistakes. I enter these
Autumn days of life with prayers of forgiveness for all the mistakes I have made
and Pray that any that I may have hurt along my life’s journey forgive me.
I give myself over to Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, His Almighty Father our
creator totally to do their will with the grace of the Holy Spirit.
One the eve of my 73nd year of life, I look back and count the numerous
blessings that God has bestowed upon me.
To begin with, I actually came into this world. According to my mother, there
were serious doubts since she had lost two other children and even when I was
born, I was dehydrated. Mother claims that the first 6 months was difficult, but
since then I have been blessed with relatively good health.
I was blessed to have parents and family that exposed me to the arts especially
music, theater, and who traveled. I was at the 1939 Worlds fair, saw the original
production of THE KING AND I with Gertrude Lawrence. By my 13th year I had
traveled and visited 44 of the contiguous states.
I received an excellent education from devoted nuns and priests and eventually
entered the seminary in my junior year of High School. I was on the verge of
being ordained a Josephite priest in 1957 when they recommended that I take
some time off to be sure of my vocation, so, I followed my second love, Theater.
I never became famous, but I did get to work with people like Julie Andrews,
Liza Minnelli, Hal Prince, Carol Burnett, Elizabeth Montgomery and actually got
to write, produce and direct a show that was on Broadway.
It was during this time that I met the woman who, even though I knew I was gay,
would become my wife and the mother of my three children.
God always kept me centered when ever I was thinking the gifts He gave me
were my own talents and did something to get me back on track.
As I said, the desire to serve as a religious was never too far from me and I
spent many hours keeping up on my theology, the changes of Vatican 2, and
serving as a DRE (Director of Religious Education ) a liturgist and from 1986
worked in the ministry to the GLBT community founded by Cardinal Roger
Mahoney of the Los Angeles Diocese.
Sometimes when the rug was dragged out from under me and I became very
upset and depressed and it was in those moments that God saved me from
doing something drastic and He lifted me up and placed me back on the road He
wanted me to follow.
In 1979 when I was at the bottom, I tossed open the Bible and read the page that
it opened to and there was an answer. It was in the book of Job.
I realized that if we keep our trust and faith in God and not give up and blame
Him, He will lead us to where He wants us. And He did.
I prayed the following prayer; “God, what is it you want from me? I am not good
on subtle hints God, I need you to push me, no shove me, where it is you want
me” and he led me back to teaching in the Catholic schools, from there I
became fully immersed in parish ministry and eventually was ordained a
Deacon in 1980.
In 1986 Cardinal Roger Mahoney founded a ministry within the Diocesan offices
to the Lesbian and Gay community and I began working with it as well as my
teaching and parish ministry.
In 2001, at age 67, I decided that I wanted to get out of the classroom and
teaching 28 teen age children and move back to Massachusetts to be close to
my family.
I returned here to find that not much being done in ministry to the LGBT
community in the Catholic churches of the area and felt that a ministry to them
was exceedingly needed but I could not find a parish in the area that would
sponsor one. Ever since 1990 I had been submitting my transcripts and records
to various Religious orders for consideration of my returning to life as a
member of a religious order but always received rejections because; “You are
over our age limit for admission” “You are still married and would need to get
an annulment” ( I was divorced in 1973 and neither of us ever remarried); but I
still continued my quest.
I began Mission Saints Sergius and Bacchus without any church sponsorship
and prayed that it was God’s will. While I was on vacation 2 years ago, much to
my surprise, I received an acceptance from a Franciscan order. They had
reviewed my records and transcripts, conferred with bishops I had worked with
and decided that I was worthy to be a member of their order and also to be
ordained a priest.
On August 15th, 2005, the feast of the Assumption of Our Blessed Lady, I was
ordained a priest in the Franciscan Order of the Annunciation in Washington, DC.
My Mass of Thanksgiving was held on September 17th, the feast of my patron
Saint Robert Bellarmine and of The Stigmata of St. Francis. Another sign from
Almighty God, to me, that this was His desire since I have always had a deep
affection and devotion to St. Francis from the time I was a child when I often
visited the Franciscan church here in Boston. I even remember a Franciscan
Priest my mother dragged me to when she discovered that I was Gay, Fr.
Fulgence, who told her that I was grounded and was living my life in a
wholesome way, not being promiscuous, and had respect for the gift of
sexuality that God had given me.
Now here I am, entering my 73nd year of life, realizing that every thing in my life
had been a part of God’s plan. I probably would not have the faith in God that I
have now if I had been ordained back in 1957. I realize that I would not have
been prepared to minister to all those that I am encountering in this ministry if I
had not had the life experiences I have had.
Recently I posted the announcement that Blessed Charles de Foucauld had
been beatified by Pope Benedict XVI along with his prayer of Abandonment
which I have been saying daily for some time now as well as the prayers I have
written through the years.
What ever time is God is giving me on this earthly plane, I totally give over to
him. As that prayer and one I wrote say, “Let Your will be done in me, I ask no
more than this” or as Jesus said in the Garden of Gethsemane “Not my will but
your will be done”
Every day begins and ends for me with the prayer that in some way, with the
help of Almighty God and the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, I may be able to be a
small part of reunifying and rebuilding The One Holy Catholic and Apostolic
Church. That I may be able to reach out and bring back into the Mystical Body of
Christ all those who have felt rejected, unwanted and alienated from Almighty
God by the dictates of mere men who are prone to make mistakes. I enter these
Autumn days of life with prayers of forgiveness for all the mistakes I have made
and Pray that any that I may have hurt along my life’s journey forgive me.
I give myself over to Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, His Almighty Father our
creator totally to do their will with the grace of the Holy Spirit.
On Being a Priest
“Your are a priest forever like Melchizedek of Old” with these words a person goes from being a
simple follower of Jesus Christ to an individual whose live is now dedicated to serve God as His
servant, shepherding God’s children. A priest becomes the hands, feet, mouth and human voice of
Almighty God here on earth to give solace and comfort, affirmation of God’s love and forgiveness to
all the children of God that he has been called to serve. The priest becomes the human instrument
through which Almighty God transforms the simple bread and wine offered by the faithful into the
body and blood of Jesus Christ. God does the transubstantiation the priest is the conduit.
Whether he is called by the title of Monsignor, Bishop, Cardinal or Pope, his first and primary calling
and responsibility is to serve simply as a servant of the Lord here on earth.
All the titles in the world can not raise a person any higher in the eyes of God than being a good and
faithful servant as a priest and caring for God‘s people as Christ would have cared for them.
I find it strange, when God has chosen to communicate with us here on earth either as himself or in
the person of our Blessed mother, He rarely makes himself known to the ones with titles. He appears
generally to the simple individual who truly believes and loves Him and has put their faith in Him.
St. Francis was a soldier, St. Joan a simple maiden, Juan Diego a peasant Indian, Padre Pio a simple
priest, St. Bernadette a simple school girl. None of these were among the hierarchy and when they
told those in charge what God directed them to do, they were ridiculed and scorned.
Why is it that God did not go directly to those in the hierarchy? Could it be that they, with their lofty
titles and grandiose life styles had lost sight of God’s original intent? Could it be that they chose to
use their positions of power to decipher the word of God to their own self interests?
I find this worth pondering.
To be called to be a priest is an overwhelming responsibility and yet, knowing that God has called you
for a special mission in His name, is the most humbling experience an individual can ever experience.
I am constantly asking Almighty God to inspire me and guide my every action so that I may only bring
honor and Glory to Him. I pray constantly that I can make a difference in the lives of those who come
to me and bring them to a closer relationship with Almighty God. That is my only desire.
I recently said in one of my reflections that we have to give ourselves over completely to the will of
God subverting our own personal desires and putting our total lives in God’s hands. I believe that this
is the only way that we can honestly and fully serve God. Even Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane
cried out "Father, if You are willing, remove this cup from Me; yet not My will, but Yours be done.". In
this simple plea, Jesus showed us that we should give ourselves and our will over totally to Almighty
God. When I was called to be a priest, after many years of desiring to be so called, and believing that
though my heart felt I was being called it was not God’s will especially at age 71, I made the
commitment to accept the call with the full knowledge that my life, as I had lived it, was over and I
was to begin a new life whose only purpose was to serve God with all of my being. I ask God to
constantly lead me to where He wants me to go. I guess that is what the new cardinals might feel, but
I pray that they think about how they will live that calling and that they realize that their first
responsibility is to God and the people he has been given to shepherd. Not to achieving honors for
themselves. AMEN
“Your are a priest forever like Melchizedek of Old” with these words a person goes from being a
simple follower of Jesus Christ to an individual whose live is now dedicated to serve God as His
servant, shepherding God’s children. A priest becomes the hands, feet, mouth and human voice of
Almighty God here on earth to give solace and comfort, affirmation of God’s love and forgiveness to
all the children of God that he has been called to serve. The priest becomes the human instrument
through which Almighty God transforms the simple bread and wine offered by the faithful into the
body and blood of Jesus Christ. God does the transubstantiation the priest is the conduit.
Whether he is called by the title of Monsignor, Bishop, Cardinal or Pope, his first and primary calling
and responsibility is to serve simply as a servant of the Lord here on earth.
All the titles in the world can not raise a person any higher in the eyes of God than being a good and
faithful servant as a priest and caring for God‘s people as Christ would have cared for them.
I find it strange, when God has chosen to communicate with us here on earth either as himself or in
the person of our Blessed mother, He rarely makes himself known to the ones with titles. He appears
generally to the simple individual who truly believes and loves Him and has put their faith in Him.
St. Francis was a soldier, St. Joan a simple maiden, Juan Diego a peasant Indian, Padre Pio a simple
priest, St. Bernadette a simple school girl. None of these were among the hierarchy and when they
told those in charge what God directed them to do, they were ridiculed and scorned.
Why is it that God did not go directly to those in the hierarchy? Could it be that they, with their lofty
titles and grandiose life styles had lost sight of God’s original intent? Could it be that they chose to
use their positions of power to decipher the word of God to their own self interests?
I find this worth pondering.
To be called to be a priest is an overwhelming responsibility and yet, knowing that God has called you
for a special mission in His name, is the most humbling experience an individual can ever experience.
I am constantly asking Almighty God to inspire me and guide my every action so that I may only bring
honor and Glory to Him. I pray constantly that I can make a difference in the lives of those who come
to me and bring them to a closer relationship with Almighty God. That is my only desire.
I recently said in one of my reflections that we have to give ourselves over completely to the will of
God subverting our own personal desires and putting our total lives in God’s hands. I believe that this
is the only way that we can honestly and fully serve God. Even Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane
cried out "Father, if You are willing, remove this cup from Me; yet not My will, but Yours be done.". In
this simple plea, Jesus showed us that we should give ourselves and our will over totally to Almighty
God. When I was called to be a priest, after many years of desiring to be so called, and believing that
though my heart felt I was being called it was not God’s will especially at age 71, I made the
commitment to accept the call with the full knowledge that my life, as I had lived it, was over and I
was to begin a new life whose only purpose was to serve God with all of my being. I ask God to
constantly lead me to where He wants me to go. I guess that is what the new cardinals might feel, but
I pray that they think about how they will live that calling and that they realize that their first
responsibility is to God and the people he has been given to shepherd. Not to achieving honors for
themselves. AMEN
